If you're done watching that delightful TikTok of the Royal Armouries where they're using Gen Z slang to describe everything, then you might like to learn a little about the human condition too.
TikToker @the_bat_wolf, otherwise known as Steven Ingram, said that he guaranteed that anyone who'd ever dated a narcissist had heard all nine of the phrases he was about to rattle through.
"Narcissists will use these phrases to convince you that you are the problem and not them, who really are the problem," he explained.
You might be hearing these phrases a lot (Getty Stock Photo)First on the list was 'why are you starting fights with me', with Steven saying that 'narcissists will use this one any time you bring up anything they did to hurt you'.
In a similar vein, the second common phrase was 'why are you always overreacting', which once again seems to shift the blame back onto you and make it seem like you're always at it.
As for phrases three and four, Steven explained that narcissists would say 'this conversation is over, I'm leaving', and 'yeah I guess I'm just a piece of s**t' to end chats they no longer wanted to be in.
"You know what? Believe whatever you want, because that's what you're going to do anyway," was the fifth phrase the self-aware narcissist warned people they'd encounter.
If you're hearing these nine phrases in your relationship it might be a problem.The next two you might hear were questions, namely 'why are you so sensitive' and 'why do you have to make everything into such a big deal' - so beware of those words.
At number eight on the list was the simple declaration that 'you're crazy', while entry number nine was pretty much any variation on 'you don't appreciate me'.
The self-aware narcissist admitted that he'd used all of those phrases in his relationships, adding that 'all of the toxic partners I've ever had in my life' had done the same.
It's by no means the only video he's made about narcissistic behaviours to be watching out for.
He's also spoken about two things people do that really get on a narcissist's nerves.
The first is simply being happy, as he admitted that 'we don't like to see you happy' and that seeing someone else happy was 'one of the most hurtful things that can happen to me in my life'.
The other thing he said narcissists couldn't stand was seeing someone else be successful 'because that means you don't need me and I need you to need me'.Featured Image Credit: Tiktok/ the_bat_wolf / Lionsgate
Topics: TikTok, Mental Health, Sex and Relationships
Joe Harker
Updated 11:43 4 Sep 2024 GMT+1Published 10:02 4 Sep 2024 GMT+1
Expert warns people of the seven major 'red flag' traits of a narcissist you should look out for
BACP counsellor and narcissism expert Margaret Ward-Martin revealed what warning signs to look out for
Olivia Burke
Although you might be wondering why it took so long to realise when the penny finally drops, working out whether someone is a narcissist or not can be quite a tricky task.
Picking apart the behaviour of a relative, friend, or romantic partner isn't exactly the most attractive activity, but it's a necessary evil if you want to protect yourself.
But hopefully, these seven major red flag traits explained by an expert on the subject will help you spot whether you've got a narcissist in your midst.
BACP counsellor Margaret Ward-Martin warned that keeping someone like this in your circle could ultimately cost you your 'sanity and even your life', so giving them the boot will be a great benefit.
The expert warned that sticking by a narcissist doesn't usually end well (Getty Stock Images)"Narcissists erode a person so that they no longer recognise themselves; victims may become depressed and mentally and physically ill, often resorting to drugs, alcohol, disordered eating and similar, to cope," she told Metro.
"They do not have a conscience, so the best thing to do is to cut your losses and ties, where possible, and rebuild."
This is why she has urged people to take 'heed of the early signs' of narcissistic personality disorder (NPD) when they show up, explaining you will only suffer 'much more damage' in the long run while also wasting your time.
So if you're concerned that someone might be a narcissist, take a look at these warning signs the therapist says you need to be on alert for.
Shifting the blame
If someone refuses to take responsibility for their mistakes and manages to pin the blame on everyone else for their problems, Margaret reckons it's a major red flag.
She explained that narcissists typically leave 'a trail of destruction' in their wake and tend to adopt a victim mentality about what has happened in their life, rather than being accountable for their own actions.
The founder of The Grace Project said: "They may volunteer that they are flawed because of trauma and neglect and as a result did things they are not proud of.
"And, while some of this may be true, it is smoke and mirrors."
Blindly loyal supporters
Narcissists might not be nice people to be around, but they tend to be surrounded by a posse of loyal followers who they have managed to manipulate.
As people with the mental health condition crave attention and admiration, they keep those who they have convinced to serve their needs close by - however, you shouldn't feel too bad if you've been conned into this.
Margaret believes 'everyone can be hoodwinked by a narcissist', especially if they hold an important place in your life.
She explained it is often 'simpler to ignore the facts and believe the narcissist’s version of events' for a lot of people.
So, if you notice that a certain someone is always in the company of people who 'actively protect and advocate' for them - even when they are in the wrong - it could be a sign they are a narcissist.
Saying what you want to hear
The counsellor explained that narcissists are pretty nifty at painting themselves in a different light, so their behaviour can often go from one extreme to another.
"Part of the alchemy of a narcissistic relationship or environment is that as you feel something is not right, you will be love-bombed or publicly congratulated or acknowledged," Margaret noted. "This can be very destabilising."
At the end of the day, they're not daft - and as the expert points out, 'the quicker they can gain access to your life, family, bank account, apartment, the earlier they can drop the act'.
She added: "Narcissists read enough about how to be spotted in order that they get ahead of the game, so they may say they themselves have been narcissistically abused and feign empathy and remorse – all the things they know you want to hear."
Narcissists want to isolate you and often stir the pot to create a distance between you and your loved ones (Getty Stock Images)Stirring the pot
If someone seems to always be stirring up trouble, beware - as you could have a narcissist on your hands.
Margaret explained that these people will often pit you against others with the goal of isolating you from your nearest and dearest, subsequently making them the most important person in your life.
The counsellor warned people to be wary if you notice that a person makes comments 'about others to influence how you treat them', which will inevitably create a distance between you and your loved ones.
"For example, they might say that their brother doesn’t like you and thinks you’re a gold digger," Margaret continued.
"This is so you will be wary of the brother and not have any meaningful connection."
Bending the truth
If telling fibs comes a bit too easy to someone, it could be a huge sign that they are a narcissist.
We've all told a few white lies in life, but honesty is the best policy - and if someone can spit out a cock and bull story at the drop of the hat or sell you a fantasy, it might be time to show them the door.
Obviously, determining whether they are deceiving you can be quite difficult, but once you get to the bottom of it, Margaret believes it should be a case of one strike and they're out.
She reckons their lies will only grow bigger and bolder, so there's no point in wasting your time.
"They are brilliant imitators of a decent person. But eventually, you will catch them out," the counsellor added.
They are often very image-based (Getty stock photo)Control
People with narcissistic personality disorder have plenty of tricks up their sleeve to keep their power over you, ranging from love-bombing to gaslighting.
Margaret believes that for most of them, there isn't such thing as going too far - so their tactics can be very troublesome.
"They may become aggressive or violent, or sulk and guilt trip you," she explained.
Whether they opt for flattery or inducing fear, narcissists will do pretty much anything to continue exercising control over you, so it's best to head for the nearest exit if you pick up on a person displaying this behaviour.
Creating a facade
It's not exactly unusual to adapt your behaviour when you're in front of different audiences, but if a person is obsessed with playing up to the crowd, there could be a bigger problem at play.
Margaret explained that narcissists are 'obsessed with image' and will only allow their mask to slip when certain people are around - but otherwise, it's all for show.
The counsellor said: "When no one else - or no one considered important enough - is watching, they begin to reveal their true self.
"Make note of how they treat junior staff – do they greet, acknowledge, and enquire after them when equal or senior colleagues aren’t there to see? Do they speak to you in private in a way they would never in front of an audience?"
Only you know what goes on behind closed doors - but if you relate to the contents of this article a bit too much, it sounds like you've got a narcissist in your life that you need to get rid of.Featured Image Credit: Getty Stock Images
Topics: Sex and Relationships, Health, Mental Health, News
Olivia Burke
Published 18:34 13 Mar 2024 GMT
'Self-aware narcissist' shares the two main things narcissists 'hate' about other people
He laid out the two things he as a narcissist could not abide seeing other people doing
Joe Harker
A 'self-aware narcissist' has revealed that there are two things you can do which they really 'hate' to see.
There are a number of narcissistic content creators, and some have made it their mission to explain what's going on inside their heads so we can better understand.
Some of them help you figure out whether you might be a narcissist or not, while others are more focused on the signs you'd need to spot in other people.
TikToker @the_bat_wolf says on his channel that he's a 'self-aware narcissist' and has a plethora of videos dedicated to explaining how narcissists think and the ways you might spot narcissistic behaviour.
In one of them he lays out two major things that people can be which really wind up narcissists.
Getty Stock Photo"Number one, we don't like to see you happy. That is just out of control not something that we want to see," he said on his first point.
"I don't want, as a self-aware narcissist, I don't want to see you happy. I don't want to see you doing better than me, like I literally just can't stand it.
"It's one of the most hurtful things that can happen to me in my life, to see you successful or happy because that means I'm not happy.
"That means somehow you were able to get over on me and it means you were in control and I'm not in control and that is absolutely something that I cannot abide, that is absolutely something I cannot stand."
That wasn't all he had to say, as you were promised two factoids about narcissists and you'll get them both.
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Getty Stock Images"Number two, the second thing I hate as a narcissist, something I cannot abide or stand, is for you to be successful," he continued.
"I don't want you to be successful, I don't want you to be able to move on without me, I don't want you to be able to succeed without me.
"Because that means you don't need me and I need you to need me."
It paints a rather grim picture of narcissists that they don't like you to be happy or successful, and this is coming from a 'self-aware narcissist'.
Elsewhere on the internet, YouTuber Richard Grannon claims that if you want to 'Uno Reverse' a narcissist and get the upper hand on them then you should 'devalue' and 'discard' them.
That sounds a bit harsh and like something that ought not to be done to anyone you wanted to stay in touch with, and Grannon says your dismissal has got to be 'genuine' so your message doesn't get muddled.Featured Image Credit: Tiktok/@the_bat_wolf
Topics: Mental Health, Health
Joe Harker
Published 13:10 7 Sep 2024 GMT+1
Diagnosed narcissist shares the six significant questions to ask someone to find out if they have the condition too
The man wanted to share more awareness for the condition online
Brenna Cooper
A diagnosed narcissist has shared six questions you can ask to work out whether or not someone you know could have the condition.
Narcissistic personality disorder (NPD) is a condition which is widely misunderstood in popular culture.
Often used as an insult to call someone who appears vain or self-centred, NPD is a clinically diagnosed disorder, which is categorised as a condition that impacts how you view yourself and relate to others.
According to diagnostic guidelines from Cleveland Clinic, having NPD can mean you have 'an excessive need to impress others or feel important'.
This can lead to suffers displaying harmful and hurtful behaviours to yourself and others. These can include: entitlement, belief in superiority, lack of empathy and a need for admiration.
Narcissistic personality disorder is thought to impact 1 in 20 people in the UK (Getty Stock Images)However, it is important to note that not everyone who displays symptoms such as these will have NPD, with the disorder estimated to affect 1 in 20 people in the UK.
Keen to raise more awareness about the condition online, a TikToker who runs the account @thenamelessnarcissist, shared a list of six questions which he believes would help you identify if you or someone you know has NPD.
"As a diagnosed narcissist I've made a list of questions you can ask a narcissist to help determine whether they might need to seek treatment without offending them or using the term narcissist," he explained.
Do you feel like you view the world differently to other people?
The first sign he revealed was a different worldview to others, with your beliefs being 'how it is', whereas everyone else is 'living in a fantasy land'.
Are you annoyed by excessive emotions?
Stating that this could be in relation to a break-up or a funeral, the creator says that situations where everyone else is crying can be difficult for people with NPD, leading them to 'emulate' others emotions in order to 'fit in socially'.
However these questions aren't a substitute for a clinical diagnosis (Getty Stock Images)Do you feel that if the world gave you a better shot, you would achieve great things?
Believing that you could achieve better things than others in the right circumstances is another symptom, according to the creator. He adds that this can also manifest in an 'overwhelming desire' to be a high achiever despite your circumstances.
Do you take feedback as confirmation of your worst fears?
The fourth question is whether or not receiving feedback on work can often feel like confirmation of 'everything that you fear about yourself', and that others are either 'pitying' you or 'shame[ing]' you.
Do you feel like you have a carefully maintained persona?
Explaining this sign as someone who appears as a social 'chameleon', he adds that people with NPD can be hyper-aware or sensitive to how others perceive them, especially if you're not being viewed the way you would like to be.
Does it feel shameful to be vulnerable?
The last question is to ask if someone finds it difficult being vulnerable and might even need to rely on substances in order to make it easier.
However, it is important to note that these questions aren't a substitute for a clinical diagnosis, with the creator adding: "Even if you relate to all of these it doesn't mean anything diagnostically.
"But it may be an indication that maybe you wanna look into it."Featured Image Credit: TikTok / The Nameless Narcissist
Topics: Mental Health, TikTok, Health
Brenna Cooper.png)
Published 12:34 22 Nov 2023 GMT
Psychologist shares red flags that someone is actually a narcissist
The expert warns you should make boundaries if you realise a person is a narcissist
Jess Battison
A psychologist has shared the red flags for spotting if someone is actually a narcissist.
But before we dig into that, let’s clear up what a narcissistic person even is before you start accusing your partner of being one.
The Mayo Clinic defines narcissistic personality disorder as a mental health condition where people ‘have an unreasonably high sense of their own importance’.
It adds: “They need and seek too much attention and want people to admire them. People with this disorder may lack the ability to understand or care about the feelings of others.”
However, underneath the ‘mask of extreme confidence they are not sure of their self-worth and are easily upset by the slightest criticism’.
So with these traits, it can lead to some relatively unhealthy relationship dynamics both with those close to you as well as in dating.
Now, in case you’re concerned someone you know is in fact a narcissist, clinical psychologist Dr Ramani Durvasula has revealed how to truly identify them.
Nathan Congleton/NBC via Getty ImagesThe expert appeared on the Today show in the US earlier this week to explain the red flags of narcissism.
Early on, she says you should be able to spot that the person makes every conversation about them and has a ‘low threshold for frustration’.
She reckons the flags tend to crop up once you’re past the ‘charm, the charisma and the confidence’ of the start of a relationship.
Dr Durvasula said: “As soon as things start going wrong - even if it is a little thing like they're not put to the front of the line in the restaurant, or they don't get the table they want - you'll start seeing this kind of anger coming out.”
And this frustration will most likely be directed at the server, the person with ‘less power’.
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Alma Haser/Getty ImagesThe psychologist continued: “You'll also see that they will become really prickly if you give them any feedback.
“[They] snap and you think ‘where is the charming, charismatic person?’”
And the expert added that the most extreme narcissists have ‘rigid’ personalities.
She said: “They lack self-awareness. They lack the capacity to self-reflect - ‘how am I affecting other people’ - because there is not a lot of empathy.”
Dr Durvasula advises that the best way of dealing with narcissists is to set boundaries for yourself and write a list of every disrespectful thing you’ve experienced from them as a reminder as to why you’re cutting them off.
The Mayo Clinic recommends that if you recognise aspects of yourself that are common to this personality disorder, then consider reaching out to a health care or mental health provider.
